Repleksyon « akosi……DArnA!.

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Repleksyon

January 4, 2008

Life is funny sometimes and it can push you pretty hard…like when you fall in love with someone and they forget to love you back..

xoxoxo
Sometimes, i wonder, just how much a person can take and how much one heart can take. Another year, another waking moment,and as it turns out, life can push you pretty hard. Last year has been a real struggle. like being lost some place and all you got is your stinking self, a crazy headache, an empty stomach and an empty pocket. And just as you thought you're at your worst, when suddenly you got hit by a bus, so bad, you went on a coma for months,and when you decided you still wanna live, you wake up, with one leg, one arm, and a deformed face. Aw..how do you supposed to go on with life this way? that's tough. and as much as you want to feel sorry for yourself, when you thought that's the worst that could happen? then you realized, like, OMG..you got no health insurance, and youre medical bills along with all the other bills are piling up..Oh darn Jesus..what now? oh well…what can i say..but life is hard. and yea, maybe i was just making some of this things up, but it's not that far fetched that bad things seemed to have a way around. And sometimes, when you've got so much of this bad things going on, you're more prone to lose yourself in a way, because there's a lot of ugly feelings going on as much as you just wanna take it all in..And when you lose your way, you'll think that life is pushing you and pushing you so hard off the edge that you become the worst person that you are. I used to believed that my life sucks and because i think that it is, i found an excuse to be my worst self. but i know now, that this realization is kind of silly.. like i only drag my self deeper in this worst situation instead of trying to get myself out of it. it has never been easy for me to accept that i was doing everything wrong for the past God knows how many years because of this thinking. this year, just like last year and the year before that, and going back as far as i can remember.. life will always seemed to get harder by the day. This maybe true, but i know it's not fair to say that life is all that bad.. if it was, i really really thought that it wasn't entirely my own doing. And i realized how childish i must've been for not owning in to it. but it just seemed important that bad things has to happen to figure it out.. Now, i think that life is supposed to hurt a bit..like it was designed that people go through some of that pain, a little disappointment, a little mistake to find themselves. i've always been hopeful that somewhere between all my struggles, i'll find my way. there's gotta be something good that comes out of it..right? otherwise it's all meaningless…

xoxoxo
And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be…or lose that person completely.
Because, sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been. And remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you really are.