Doctor, doctor, help me quick.

I’m kind of getting used to being in and out of a manic depressive state on a regular basis… Like feeling happy one moment, and all so sudden felt sad, as if a giant vacuum came in and suck the happy out of me. I know that this happens to almost everyone I knew or know of. Like it’s only normal that people get depressed, get crazy and do stupid things. It was probably just a state of mind, but when you couldn’t identify any reason to be sad and all wobbly, I know that there is something wrong. Well, women tried to call it PMS, professional have thought of it as some sort of chemical imbalance, and a happy pill would make it all better. But I know that this hole, this emptiness inside that is breaking my heart to pieces is nothing like a happy pill can make it all go away. It wasn’t like life has been such a pain in the ass. It’s nothing like trouble, or struggles in life, but more on a deeper, personal, and bigger existence. Like your personal thoughts, and the confusion as to what purpose it will serve to be, when you couldn’t find any reason why you’re still around. I’m not suicidal for any matter, but when you feel the loneliness despite having friends, family or lovers around, and still it doesn’t seem to suffice the loneliness inside. There’s always something missing. Something lacking that you could only hope you could identify what that is. I know I’m not alone at this, I know people who seemed to have everything in life but still wasn’t happy.  It may be a question of moral contentment, spiritual growth, or stability. I will admit I’m not religious; I’m a believer, although I’m not spiritual. There’s probably some truth to the notion that God is the answer to this confusion, but it doesn’t stop you from wondering further. But sometimes, it’s nothing like a simple answer that all you need is to pray, and know his existence, that when you do it religiously he will make your life better all the way, until you believe it actually, but one wrong step, one mistake and you’re back from where you’ve started. Lost, confused, and wondering further. May be until you realized it’s really not about God at all, it’s one’s soul in search of a higher purpose. Because we are made to be curious, our instinct is to seek what we can’t see, what we can’t have, what we can’t find. And we are made weak and fragile at this journey…