akosi……DArnA!.

i eat, sleep, work, living in a quiet desperation all that shit..

Home » Archives » May 2010

compulsive contemplating

May 31, 2010

Sa panahon na lumilipas, na wari mo’y maraming pagbabago, nagbago, at nagbabago sa paligid mo, pero sa sarili mo, parang walang nangyayari, parang walang nagbabago.. kung sakaling meron man, siguro gawa na lang din ng pagbabago na nasa paligid mo. Eka nga, kelangan mo kasing matutong magadopt sa mundo ginagalawan mo. Pero yung totoo, hindi ito un pagbabagong hinahanap mo para sa sarili mo, hindi ito yung pagbabagong ginusto mo. nagbabago ka dahil wala kang choice, dahil wala kang magawa, dahil lahat ng bagay at one point ay kelangang mabago. Nakakainis dahil madalas ganon ang nangyayari sa buhay ko. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na parang hindi ka nabibigyan ng pagkakataon, parang wala kang sariling isip dahil nadadala ka na lang ng pagbabago ng mundo. Siguro may kahinaan din talaga ko, madalas walang lakas ng loob, mukhang matapang, pero ang totoo duwag, ang totoo, hindi ko kayang mapagisa. At dahil hindi ko kayang magisa, kelangan kong sabayan yung pagbabago sa paligid ko, kelangan kong pakisamahan ang bawat isa, kelangan kong tanggapin na sunod-sunuran lang ako sa mundong ginagalawan ko. Kaya siguro nafufrustrate ako. Kasi wala akong kontrol sa sarili kong buhay. wala akong kontrol sa mga bagay na gusto kong gawin, vs sa mga bagay na nangyayari sa paligid ko. hindi ko pwedeng sabay na gawin ang gusto ko, at sundan ang galaw ng nasa paligid ko, kase paano kung magkaiba sila ng direksyon? paano kung dun sa gusto mong pagbabago, marami kang masasaktan, marami kang mapapabayaan, marami kang isasakripisyo, paano ka magiging masaya kapag yun ang pinili mo? Pero, paano ka din magiging masaya kung yung isang direksyon ang pipiliin mo? Yung direksyong ginusto ng mundong ginagalawan mo, yung bagay na kahet hindi mo gusto, pero dahil marami ang may gusto, marami ang gumagawa, maraming masaya, kahet hindi mo naintindihan, kahet hindi mo masabayan, pipilitin mo na lang para hindi komplikado. Magulo ba? Ewan ko din, isa lang ang alam kong sigurado ko.. pagod na ko sa ganitong buhay.

Posted by queenblle at 13:25:00 | permalink | Add comment

we all lost touch..

May 28, 2010

Strange how life have a way of coming together and falling apart. You meet people along the way, strangers have become people you get to know, people you like, people you love and care about, and people who have suddenly become a part of your life. But sometimes, we lost touch..and sooner or later things are different. People have turned into someone that you used to know, stranger as it seems, sometimes, they could turn into someone that you hate. And it’s sad when it happens. Sometimes, i think, it’s inevitable, sometimes i think, it isn’t fair, that it isn’t right. But then when you get to that place, you think that sometimes, maybe, that’s just how things are supposed to be. Because sometimes things happen that you can’t help, sometimes it leaves you with no choice, and when it does, sometimes you chose to just forget what life used to be, what you used to have, what it feels like being around the person, you chose to forget what you had, and move on with your own life…and things get stranger everytime. And you wonder, what if you hadn’t met these people? what if they havent been a part of your life? what would it be like? then you wonder why? why did you meet the person, why did you became friends, or lovers, or why did life betrayed you and let that person in yours. why did you fall out? It’s not like the person betrayed you, used you, or lied and cheated on you and you were hurt so bad. Everybody hurts. It’s when you give up and decided that you have had enough. And if that is the case, then the answer is simple, it’s either you leave, or the person leaves. Either you’ve changed, or the other person changed… or maybe because the world is constantly changing, therefore, nobody stays the same. Therefore, nothing stays the same…

Pieces of you..

is what i’ll hold on to.

when the times gets tough.. when my luck runs dry-state of shock

Posted by queenblle at 23:41:00 | permalink | Add comment

never say never - the fray

May 17, 2010

Some things we don’t talk about
better do without
just hold a smile
we’re falling in and out of love
the same damn problem

together all the while
you can never say never
why we don’t know when
time and time again
younger now then we were before
don’t let me go,
don’t let me go,
don’t let me go,
don’t let me go,
don’t let me go,
don’t let me go

picture, you’re the queen of everything
as far as the eye can see
under your command
i will be your guardian
when all is crumbling
steady your hand

you can never say never
why we don’t know when
time and time again
younger now then we were before
don’t let me go,
don’t let me go,
don’t let me go,
don’t let me go,
don’t let me go,
don’t let me go

we’re falling apart
and coming together again and again
we’re coming apart
but we pull it together
pull it together, together again

don’t let me go,
don’t let me go,
don’t let me go,
don’t let me go,
don’t let me go,

Posted by queenblle at 13:05:00 | permalink | Add comment

life sucks.

May 16, 2010

i’ve probably screwed everything somewhere and now there’s no way back. I’m trapped in a hole, this inescapable hole where i succumb in darkness and i can smell my desperation. i need to get out of here. where ever here is.

Posted by queenblle at 12:17:00 | permalink | Add comment

the Big LIE

May 3, 2010

All of your life, you’ve been lied to.

You’ve been told what life is supposed to be about. Grow up, do well in school, make friends, get a girlfriend or boyfriend, get a good job, get married, get a nice house and have kids. Watch tv, go to church, vote, find some hobbies to entertain you. Donate money to charity. Go on vacation. Get old, retire, spend time with the grandkids. Look back on your life with nostalgia, look forward to the afterlife of your choosing.

This is what you’re supposed to do, this is what normal people do. This is what everyone else is doing. Oh sure, there are a few aberrations here and there, sometimes some people slip off this track, but you can get back on at any time.

Of course, when you actually look at the world around you, you may see something entirely different.

Beneath the thin veneer of civilization lies a howling madness.. trouble.. problems.. tribulations. And you probably have been told about these thing before.. And the world may have told you that this too shall pass, and that “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle in life.” which is probably the biggest lie ever told.. coz if you look closely inside your own misery and those of others… God has given us more than we could handle that makes us totally broken.

Truth be told..you have no loving God watching over you, making sure you get what you need. You don’t get what you need in life, you don’t get what you want, you don’t get what you deserve. You get what you get.

Posted by queenblle at 1:52:00 | permalink | Add comment