Just when i’ve decided to blog again, t’s what happens…

namfootah! amp!!

Another year has ended, and a new one just begun, where was i??? Shucks.

The Muppets take on Queen’s rock anthem Bohemian Rhapsody

lavet muppets! 

got to believe in magic! tenenen!♥

…isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different?

hellu…hellu..hellu..blog! soooo…im back. and like the many times i had bored you with my so-called life, i supposed this time around, isn’t any thing different..heheks. well..it’s been a long absence..and life still stinks..although not much seemed to have changed, at least now, im fully living it as it is.. you know what the old folks say; life is too short to live in distress and in despair..when it rains, it pours, everything that goes eventually will come to pass..i guess you’ll just have to get used to it..i’ve learned to just accept and enjoy the life i have in the present..and as far as the present is concern; well.. it’s been pretty fine.. i’m in love, with life, with music, with a lot of things, and with someone, it’s kinda of weird when you get to this place, it’s a rare feeling that i could only wish everyone else is capable to feel as good and as happy and as loved as i have right now, regardless of the problems that comes along the way.. i just feel blessed and lucky that, i’m still able to feel great about some things even if some other things aren’t doing pretty great..it’s such a fulfillment on my part, to be able to feel good about the simplest things, it’s easier said than done, trust me, but when you get to this place, where you feel good, even when youre broke, and jobless and alone, and bored, and there’s a lot of things that are lacking in your life..yet you could still feel good about it, because everything else tastes so sweet, even just for a day, is truly magical.. ♥

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im still here.

OMG..i missed this! hello blog! hello visitors!

what’s up, what’s new..what the fuck is goin on?? hekhekhek.

wla lang.. kusta naman??

sige..

ingats!

hehehe 

♥the ache in my heart..♥

last night i was having the usual late night chismis over the phone with a girl friend, while also on-line doing friendster updates, when i stumbled on my ex’s profile..my mind went completely and totally mad..my heart kind of went totally loopy as well when i found out about the news. good news for someone i used to love and hate, not so good of a news for me. oh well..At first, it was ok, i was acting a little jealous and bitter. but i was joking.. it wasn’t supposed to sound like i still cared, or whatever, but when i got off the phone, it suddenly hit me. i went hysterical at one point, kinda like i was having a mental breakdown and then my mind went blank for seconds, and went right back with an unexpected emotional turn..tears form behind my eyes for reasons that i can’t seemed to figure out.. i can’t talk my self out of it, i was having all these confusing emotions,so i called my bff and told her about it..we talked for hours and she was telling me it was only natural, that i’d still feel hurt after ages of being left unspoken for, but i was,, with all my fervent expectations, just disappointed with how i felt. Until later on, that i realized i was just being my usual impulsive self, i over-reacted about the news, but much to my surprize, although it does sucks, i was happy for him. it’s just that, from how we left things off, everything was just confusing.. even i had wondered, why after three years of being apart, and totally hating each other, i’d still get hurt..that i’d still care. and i really thought that, maybe i hadn’t really completely let him go..and why it kills me that I still miss him, even though in hindsight, I know he was all wrong for me..It’s a good thing my bestfriend knows me better than i know myself..she told me that i just haven’t reach a mental closure of us..it’s really complicated and that’s how i find myself dwelling in the past. This dwelling might be my mind’s way of attempting to make some sense of a situation that may make no sense at all..i was, if not so often, allowing myself to think of him, and think about how we used to be, the “what ifs” continually bombarded my mind taking it down dead end roads. Over and over i just find myself where i started – no closure– in sight. so that was all it was.. that i moved on without mental closure..and that’s how it gets confusing..i can’t help it if i’m acting like a jealous bitch?? i mean, when i see the way he lives,when i think about the life i could’ve given him..and the life that i have right now, specially now that it has been a little hard on me..i can’t accept that he’s doing pretty darn good without me, while i’m being unlucky these days..argh!! kakabitter diba.. i hate that things are going too well for him..it should’ve been me..la lang..hehehe..it’s kind of immature..but lets be honest, sometimes the hardest part in life is being happy for somebody else..the ache is something that takes your breath away..and that made sense to me..Apart from the fact that were not even friends anymore, we never talk to each other for years..and i’ve been dying to know if he ever thinks about a better way we could’ve ended us..maybe, it doesn’t matter anymore, but if this may be all that we are..there will always be an ache in my heart that i can only guess an explanation for..but you know, that’s just life right?? you lose some, you win some..and you get over it..

oh well..

since i’ve been left hangin’ forever..i don’t have any particularly good way to come to the close of things except maybe to thank the asshole for the memories…i’ll never forget it, and i hope he feels the same..lol!

~*♥~*♥~*~ 

note to self: You should just learn to let go. And I’m not talking about the person who sent my world spinning, I’m thinking about control..if you’re going through hell..just keep going..feel the sting, it’s suppose to hurt, but you get up and you continue breathing..♥ 

mental closure.

Question: how does one move forward without closure and not keep going back?

You want to move forward but something’s holding you back and you can’t seem to find an explanation for it. kind of like being stuck in reversed..  

nunal ng kapalaran o kalokohan?

i have a mole near my nose, it’s in the path where tears fall. And my mom, after years of absence in my life, eh ngayon lang napansin na may nunal ako dun..sabay humiret saken ng: "kaya pala dami ka frustrations sa buhay..!"

araykopo..ganon??

apparently, malas daw yung nunal kong yon, and she was very concern, she told me, i should have it removed.. well, para saken ok lang, basta sagot nya gastos, hehe. pero medyo natawa ko sa sinabi nya, Josko..kase naman, yung mom ko eh napakaraming mga paniniwala sa buhay.. sabi din nya saken dati, nung humihingi me ng money para process ng visa ko for dubai, kelangan daw magpahula muna ko..kase un pagaabroad nasa guhit ng kapalaran ng isang tao, at sabi nya pa, hinulaan daw sya dati, at sameng dalawang magkapatid, ang hula daw eh si bunso ang makakapag-abroad.. at isa pa, pag bibili ng sasakyan dapat papahula din..tapos nung bagong dating sya dito, yung mga plastic na plants and flowers and vines na pinadala nya dati, hala, pinagkakabit sa bawat sulok ng bahay namen, feng-shui churvaness daw..pati yung nakapatong na salamin sa cr na nakaharap sa pinto eh malas din daw.. Jusmiyo mamamiah..ewan ko kung san san nya yun natututunan.. well, siguro, sa tagal nya sa Japan, na-adopt na nya mga paniniwala ng mga hapon..hehe.

anyway..balik sa usapang nunal..out of curiosity, i searched the internet..

The Chinese believe moles can be lucky or unlucky depending on where they are located, what colour they are, and how large they appear in proportion to our body.

and according to the book Moles and their Meanings: 

… every mole upon the face of man or woman has upon some other portion of the body a corresponding birthmark, the position of which can generally be located with startling accuracy.

Until it was removed by surgery the singer Enrique Iglesias had a mole on his right cheek, near to his nose.What did it say about him? The mole was “honey-coloured” rather than black, and it appeared at position 54 in the face chart. Here’s what De Windt says about such a case:

Denotes misfortune, but only at an advanced age. Youth and middle age shall be peaceful and prosperous. This sign is specially favourable to the knowledge of secret and occult things - a marvellous and intuitive reader of human character.

also, i came across a Japanese proverb which got me really thinking:
"A child with a mole in the path of his tears is destined to lead a sorrowful life full of them."

why, i’ve one such mole, near my nose as i’ve mentioned earlier, and because, so far my life is going nowhere but down..down..down..how curious.

i must be silly to consider this whole thing to be true, but silly ideas are made no less silly because some gentlemen long deceased once wrote books about them..Japanese and Chinese people believed these things too, and my mom was right, i do have a lot of frustrations..and i’m getting desperate..it wasn’t like i haven’t been trying my best to make my life better, and like my mom used to say how hardwork is important to achieve my goals, i really think as well, that it is as important to be lucky. And as far as im concerned, lucky is something that i’m not getting lately..i’m beginning to think that perhaps my mole has something to do with it, and maybe, just maybe, getting rid of it will make life better. (right! im sounding more like being dellusional than desperate. ) hehe.. well, i should get it remove then..for a change..i mean, what’s the worst that can happen right? surgical pain is nothing compared to a life full of sorrow..whether you believe these things to be true or not, i think we should all make a point in future–just in case–you know what they say; good advise is always welcome..isn’t it? lol.

while some say that the moles on our bodies are in reality secret imprints carried over from our previous lives, stamps of some past karmic deed meant to ripen in this life, good as well as bad. Others contend that moles are messages of good fortune and misfortune that reflect important turning points of our life. Each noticeable mole on our body carries a hidden meaning, or depicts some secret obstacle or unexpected help from someone.

find this thought interesting? read more..

i got heath! dead heath! sniff..sniff

OMG..this is such a shocking news.

shocking and sad.. it was speculated that he OD-ied over prescribed and unprescribed drugs? i’m not really sure if there’s any truth to this.. i still cannot believe that his life would end this way., he seemed to be a good person..! whenever i get to see him on e! he’s such a gifted actor..and he’s so cute, and charming. he’s like the perfect guy, happy and cheerful and a loving hubby to her wife michelle adams and a loving pop to her daughter matilda rose.. i see pictures of them everywhere..he just doesn’t seemed like a depressive type..oh heath!!! youre just too good to be true..

Either that, or he’s a dead testimony of the saying.."the good dies young!" aww..im scared for myself now. (biro lang)…i cannot believe he’s gone..(close kame?) Waaah…why heath? nabawasan na naman ang gwafu dito sa earth..hay naku! kung hindi nagiging bading..nagiging john doe. aheks.\m/